Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed
Subscribe: RSS
Relationships aren’t always easy. We understand that. What we don’t understand is the “It’s Complicated” relationship status. What exactly does that mean?
“It’s complicated” means sort of. There is some kind of relationship there, but it is not a fully committed relationship.
God never mean for us to have complicated, sort of committed relationships. He meant for us to be in a one flesh marriage covenant.
The world is filled with many relationship complications, Friends with benefits, divorce, blended families are just of the complications out there.
Thankfully, God’s love for us has never been complicated. He loves us with a fully committed love. This love should be the example for all our relationships.
Relationship Status 3 – It’s Complicated: Be Fully Committed
Sermon notes by Pastor Chris Fluitt
Redemption Church Plano Tx
BUMPER -Relationship Status 3
Welcome back to Redemption Church. We are a mighty Church in Plano Tx. My name is Chris Fluitt. I am excited to be sharing the Word of God with you today.
Relationship Status
We are in the final week of our Relationship Status sermon series. We talked about the Single Status and the Married Status. If you missed either of these weeks, I want to encourage you to check it out at redemption-church.com.
Today I want to talk to you about the “It’s Complicated” relationship status.
It’s Complicated
The “It’s Complicated” status has become the norm. But let’s make sure we understand what the “It’s complicated” status means.
It’s complicated means “sort of.” It means you are “WITH” someone… you are seeing each other, you are sexually intimate with each other, yet you are not with them in a FULLY COMMITTED FASHION.
Whereas a marriage covenant is two people fully committing promises towards each other… it’s complicated means sort of…
Then there is this phrase that you have probably heard before.
Friends with benefits
This is when people have a friendship relationship and they throw in the added “benefit” of sexual intimacy. They technically call themselves “SINGLE” as to keep their options open. They claim to not be dating. Their only commitment is as friends and to enjoy physical pleasure.
This is more common than you may understand. There are many problems with this relationship.
Someone accidentally commits..
They start their relationship with ground rules. WE DON’T WANT TO DATE. We don’t want romantic entaglements… We only think it would be fun to have sex. Sex is their only commitment in the beginning.
Now I am about to come at this from a Biblical point of view, but let me first come at this from how the world views this relationships. The world will tell you that the “friends with benefits” relationship does not work. Of course the Bible tells you not to do this… but so will your bro.
They will tell you it is all working to plan until someone falls in love and gets their heart broken when the other doesn’t want a relationship.
You cannot have a relationship built upon NON-COMMITMENT. Someone will accidentally commit. You cannot share intimacy and someone not accidentally commit. Sharing intimacy changes the relationship.
The IT’S COMPLICATED / FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS / IT’S ALL ABOUT THE SEX relationships will never work out. AND HERE IS WHY!
Sex is more than physical
You may fight this, but somewhere deep down I think you know this already.
Genesis 2:24 (NIV2011) …a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
There is a one flesh relationship in sex. The law backs this claim up. Try getting a marriage annulment if you had sex after the wedding. You would have to become divorced because the government sees that sex changed something.
Notice how the Hebrew was originally translated into English.
Genesis 4:1 (KJV) And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived…
The word for KNEW is Yada’. It’s implication is sexual, because Eve bore a son based upon YADA’ – Adam knowing her.
Yada’ means to know, to learn, to be revealed. There was a revelation between Adam & Eve that was more than physical.
Some may try to say that this unity of one flesh is not about the sex but about the wedding ceremony. They would do this as a way to justify them having sex outside of marriage. Paul tells us that sex is the unites… not a wedding ceremony.
1 Corinthians 6:16 (NIV2011) Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”
1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV2011) Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
Sex is more than physical
But I am willing to wager you knew this already. I believe you understood that there are things that are done outside the body, but then there are things that are so personal and deeply profound that they take place within. Paul said that sexual immorality is one of those things. SEXUAL IMMORALITY TAKES PLACE WITHIN YOURSELF – AGAINST YOUR OWN BODY.
Sex is meant to be the sign of the covenant
In scripture, whenever there was a covenant made, there was also a sign of the covenant given. We talked about covenant last week. It is that relationship between two parties who make promise agreements toward each other.
Sacrificial lambs, circumcision, baptism are a few examples of SIGNS OF THE COVENANT given in scripture. Every covenant requires a sign of the covenant.
The sign of the marriage covenant is not a wedding ring. The sign of the marriage covenant is sexual intimacy.
Sex is meant to be the sign that a marriage covenant has been made. It is meant to be the positive outcome of the covenant. It is meant to be a blessing.
When sex is experienced outside of marriage it complicates things!
It’s complicated
Sex is more than physical. It joins us. It makes one flesh.
Sex is meant to be the sign of a covenant. It mixes up every signal when sex is experienced outside of the marriage covenant.
Your sex is not your best benefit
You ought to offended with the idea of friends with benefits, because it communicates that the only benefit they think you have of any value, is your sex.
You ought to be angry with this. It is not friends with benefits… it’s a person who is not really your friends taking advantage of one benefit.
They don’t the benefit of your heart.
They don’t want the benefit of your mind.
They don’t want the benefit of your dreams.
They don’t want the benefit of who you really are.
THEY WANT THE BENEFIT OF SEXUAL ORGANS AND THAT IS IT!
You ought to be disgusted! Because you have so much more to offer!
Adam KNEW Eve. You are worth KNOWING. Anyone that doesn’t get that is not worth your time.
BE FULLY COMMITTED
It’s complicated means – SORT OF. You need to make up your mind that you have no time for a SORT OF commitment!
You need to be fully committed to someone.
The best outcome for your life is to find someone who is fully committed to YOU and to GOD. And then you fully commit to THEM and to GOD.
The best outcome is that you worship God with your spouse!
The best outcome is that both you and your spouse are filled with the same Holy Ghost!
The best outcome is that you and your spouse are fully surrendered to each other and to God.
The best outcome is that you don’t want to sin against your spouse or against God!
Be fully committed! Don’t waste your life on someone who is at best SORT OF…
Divorce is complicated
When 50% of our nation is getting divorced, maybe the Church doesn’t talk about this subject enough.
It is my desire than no one in this room has a divorce in your future.
It is my desire that anyone in this room that has a divorce in their past would learn from it and move on into a brighter future. If you have been divorced you are not a 3rd rate citizen in God’s kingdom. You need to move on from your guilt and be covered in the blood of the lamb.
Divorce is never what God wants. I will go so far as to call divorce a sin, but I would also remind you that God is faithful and just to forgive any confessed sin & trespass.
Divorce is a sin, but God allows divorce.
How does that work? That seems a little complicated right? God allows sin?
The word for sin is Hamartia. It means “TO MISS THE MARK.” Divorce is hamartia/sin. Divorce misses the mark of what God wanted for that relationship. Jesus actually calls divorce adultery in Matthew 19. So while I want to underline that God forgives I don’t want to make light of the sin and failure of divorce.
Let’s understand divorce. In a marriage covenant there are to be 2 parties making promises towards each other. When a spouse falls short of their promise, the other spouse should cover them in grace and continue living out their promise toward their spouse. Hopefully the spouse who messed up will repent and return to the place where they are living out promise toward their spouse.
But what happens if they don’t repent? What if they continue to break this covenant?
This is the situation that God was in with Israel in Jeremiah 3. God never broke His covenant toward Israel. His promises toward Israel never failed, but Israel kept constantly breaking covenant. God patiently kept covenant, but Israel actually got to the place where they no longer even attempted to have covenant with God.
Jeremiah 3:8 (NIV2011) I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries.
God gave Israel a certificate of divorce! But wait… I said God never wants divorce and that divorce is a sin… So did God sin? How can we understand this?
DIVORCE IS NOT
- They don’t do as I like so I am going to divorce them.
- They no longer please me so I am going to divorce them.
- They keep on failing me so I going to divorce them.
DIVORCE IS the realization that there is no longer a covenant relationship from one of the parties being lived out. The Divorce certificate is to free the one who is no longer living in covenant the freedom to go find someone that they will live in covenant with. If they take the certificate of divorce it will set them both free to find someone who will live in covenant with them.
Divorce does not kill the covenant. Divorce is the admission that the covenant is dead already.
Is your covenant dead? Do you need a divorce?
Matthew 19:8 (NIV2011) Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard.
Notice Jesus doesn’t say you are permitted to divorce because of what your spouse did. Instead Jesus says IT’S BECAUSE OF THE HARDNESS OF YOUR HEARTS!
Divorce is not about what your spouse did. Divorce is about the hardness of your heart.
If you can change your heart, you should never get divorced. If you do get divorced you better work on your heart, or you will be bringing a hardened heart into your next relationship.
Your marriage is in trouble – Do something about it!
I had just been installed as Redemption Church’s lead pastor, and I remember later that week a leader in the church texted me that they were getting divorced. I was shocked and surprised, because these people had been in church. They were involved in ministry. They never missed a service…
YET I HAD NEVER SEEN THEM IN THIS ALTAR PRAYING FOR THEIR MARRIAGE OR EACH OTHER. They simply stood around like the altar time was for other people…
I NEVER SAW THEM GO AFTER GOD IN WORSHIP AND LET GOD FILL THEM WITH HIS SPIRIT.
I NEVER SAW THEM BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER.
I NEVER SAW THEM SEEK TO FORGIVE.
THEY JUST WENT THROUGH THE MOTIONS.
Your marriage is in trouble – Do something about it!
Fight for your marriage! …or you will be fighting in a divorce.
The truth is that everyone’s marriage is in trouble. There are forces constantly trying to pull us apart. There are temptations and sin and guilt that try to come between us.
Your marriage is already under attack. Do something about it.
Pray together. Worship together. Actively love each other. Learn how to give love better. Learn how to receive love better.
It shouldn’t be weird to see married couples praying together in the altar. It is weird when it isn’t happening.
- The sign of a struggling marriage is not that they are weeping together in the altar.
- The sign of a struggling marriage is that they stand to the side unmoved by the word of God.
It’s Complicated
I want to invite you to uncomplicated things today.
Singles live like singles.
Don’t pretend you are married in the bedroom. If you are single live like you are single.
Marrieds live like marrieds.
Don’t act like you are single. Act like you are married. Be together.
I am just going to say this as bluntly as I can.
Married people, you should be having sex with each other. (1 Cor 7:5)
Don’t live like you are single. Live like you are married. IN EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE! THIS INCLUDES THE BEDROOM.
Married couples! Sex is more than physical! It is spiritual & emotional. It is how we KNOW each other. Yada’ – To know and reveal. Sex is the sign of the marriage covenant.
It’s Complicated means SORT OF… Do not be SORT OF towards each other in any area of your marriage. Including the bedroom.
I am about to close and open this for a time of prayer. I have given you a lot to think about today. I want to give you one more thing to consider.
God’s love is not complicated
God’s love is not complicated. God is not SORT OF toward you.
God has never failed in his promise towards you. Even though we have failed in our promise towards Him, God has never failed in His promise to us.
You may feel condemned and ashamed today because of something in your past. You need to fall into the uncomplicated, fully committed love of God today.
If you want that today I want you to come today. Take a step from your chair today.