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One is the most important number in God’s Word. The power of the number extends all the way into your marriage. GOD is one, he wants you to be one with your spouse!
Pastor Chris Fluitt teaches us the 4 rivets of Marriage taught in Genesis chapter 2. In a day and age where 50% of marriages end in divorce, it is more important than ever that we find the oneness God intended in our marriages.
Hello everyone! I am sure glad you are here! Whether online or in person… welcome to Redemption Church in Plano, TX. My name is Chris Fluitt and I am ready to share the Word of God with you today. Are you ready to receive?
Twenty Twenty One
We are in the 4th week of our sermon series “twenty twenty-one.” Previous weeks can be found at “www.RedemptionPlano.com.”
Our world is in such need of unity. There is so much division, anger, hatred, bitterness, loneliness, sorrow…
Jesus prayed that we would be One. Jesus prayed a prayer that we (you and I) can play a part in answering.
Today I want to talk about being one in marriage.
One in Marriage
I heard a story where the pastor was visiting the Sunday school class to talk about marriage as part of the lesson. He asked the class, “What does God say about marriage?” Immediately one boy blurted, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
That was not the answer the pastor was looking for, but even the pastor agreed that was great application of scripture.
Turn in your Bibles to Genesis 2:23. I love to see Bibles turning. Church I love to see you with your Bible.
Genesis 2:22-25 (NIV) Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Do you know what a rivet is?
Rivet
A rivet is a two-pieced fastener. The 2 separate pieces of the rivet align through the object they are wished to fasten. These 2 steel pieces then join together and become one piece. Some rivets are as small as your pinky finger and some are as large your arm, and when they fasten two pieces of steel together, skyscrapers can stand for a hundred years largely due to the strength of their rivets.
Hot Rivet
I have a rivet in my hand that screws together, but they also have hot rivets that are attached by heating up the rivet so that it welds the 2 separate pieces together. Once those pieces are welded they are no longer 2 separate pieces; they are one solid piece forever.
The construction of a marriage requires rivets. Our reading in Genesis 2 reveals 4 rivets to construct people into one marriage.
In our reading God had just finished molding and shaping Eve. God then presents Eve to Adam. Adam immediately declares union and declares the Spiritual nature of this union.
Genesis 2:23 (NIV) The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
Adam declares a oneness and unity between himself & Eve. I believe God was pleased with this union. This was God’s design.
So Adam spoke, and then comes this statement that is not attributed to Adam or God.
Genesis 2:24-25 (NIV) That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
It doesn’t say “and then God said” or “then Eve or Adam said.” So who said this? This is commentary from the writer of Genesis, likely Moses. Inside this commentary are 4 rivets for a marriage.
1 Leave
The word “leave” (`abad) is a strong word, meaning “abandon, forsake dependence upon.” This command does not mean a man should turn his back on family relationships and the responsibilities they involve. It doesn’t mean to ignore mom & dad; never call them up; never go home for a meal again… In fact, after marriage home often becomes more sacred than it was before – that the ties between parent & child are even more precious than they were before – but in a different way. Rather, Moses is stressing that the break from home should be complete because you’re beginning a new family.
In order to rivet a marriage together, things must change.
You are to loosen your dependency on mom and dad. You have to sever the provisional ties with home. Some call it “cutting the apron strings.” Parents should not interfere. Children should not depend on their parents.
There are symptoms of this:
-Depending on parents to fund your projects.
-Going to parents instead of your spouse for emotional support.
-Running home if there is a problem.
Parents must let their children leave and relinquish control. The principle of their leaving is this….
NOTHING ON EARTH IS TO TAKE PRECEDENCE OVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MATE.
And when it does, you are in clear violation of the first fundamental RIVET of marriage.
I heard a story about a mother and father who gave their precious daughter away in marriage. After the honeymoon, their daughter and her husband moved several states away. A few weeks later, the phone rang, the mother answered, and it was their daughter. She was in tears because she and her husband had just had their first fight. The daughter asked to speak to her dad. He took the phone and went into another room and talked to “his little girl” for about 10 minutes. When he came back out, the mother asked, “What did she say?” The father replied, “She and her husband had a big fight and she wants to come home.” After a moment of silence, the mother asked, “What did you say?” The father answered, “I told her, SHE IS HOME.”
That’s good! That father recognized that he needed to let go after his daughter said, “I do.” The first rivet is LEAVE.
Genesis 2:24-25 (NIV) That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
2 Cleave
The verb for “united to his wife” was traditionally translated “cleaves”; it has the basic idea of “stick with/to.”
God intended there to be a bond in this relationship.
When you remove something that was meant to be permanent from a construction, it is likely the whole thing will fall in on itself. When what was holding up these two souls is removed, they begin to fall upon one another… we begin to strike out at one another… we begin to harm one another.
So many people feel like doing something to hurt our offender. Why? Because when we choose to rip apart what God has put together in permanence, the collateral damage is severe. When you marry, you’re signing on for a life-time voyage with no escape hatche or bail out clauses in the contract. When one partner sees it this way, and the other does not, there will be trouble. It is said that over half of all marriage will end in divorce.
We need the rivet in order to cleave to each other. When we stand in the marriage ceremony, we make a vow to the each other and a vow to the Lord; to cleave… for better or worse, ‘til death do us part.
God is very stern about this. Cleaving to one another in marriage affects the favor of the Lord in our lives.
Malachi 2:13-16 (NIV) Another thing you do: You flood the Lord’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, “Why?” It is because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth. “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.
Leave your former life. Cling to your spouse as your new life.
3 Unite
Genesis 2 said “united to his wife and they become one flesh.”
The Hebrew word “flesh” in this context means the whole life together, and not just a sexual union. When they unite in marriage, they begin a process of growing together in every aspect of their life.
As welded together rivets can’t be separated, so too should a husband & wife be inseparable.
It is not enough to just stay married… There are countless marriages that resist divorce, but are still not unified.
Well known comedian Rodney Dangerfield said of his marriage, “We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, and we take separate vacations– we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.”
The whole reason you leave and the whole reason you cleave is so that you 2 can become 1 flesh… so that the 2 may become whole.
I have seen some lonely marriages. They have the certificate of marriage recognized by the government, but are not a union.
Do you have oneness in your marriage?
Often the Church has preached to young couples “you need to get married” as a way to combat sex out of marriage. God is absolutely for sex only being a part of a marriage covenant, but are we forgetting to preach the full message to the young couple. BECOME ONE! Be unified.
Leave, cleave, and unite are 3 rivits and then comes intimacy.
4 Intimacy
Scripture says they were “naked & not ashamed.”
The motif of nakedness is introduced here and will play an important role in the next chapter after they sin.
I am not sure that we can really understand what is being said here. In our day whenever we hear the word “naked” we usually think of immoral things like pornography. Pornography is a poor substitute for intimacy. Rather the word “naked” here simply means “one is laid bare – there are no secrets.
They were naked & not ashamed. They were innocent and they had integrity. They were innocent in their actions toward each other… They had integrity towards each other. In this perfect state of union Adam & Eve would have never thought to not trust each other… We need that in marriages! God means for us to have it.
Marriage is about intimacy. It is the final rivet that holds together a marriage.
“Most marriages (and long-term dating relationships) reach this sort of unspoken settlement. I’m not coming any closer. This is as far as I’m willing to go. But, I won’t leave, and that ought to make you happy.” John & Stasi Eldredge – from their book, Captivating.
You can share a bed, eat at the same table, watch the same TV, and parent the same children – and still not be intimate. Your marriage will naturally move toward a state of isolation.
Right now in your marriage, you are either moving towards oneness/unity/intimacy, or you are moving towards division/isolation/divorce.
You have to lovingly and energetically RIVET yourself together.
Marriage is a Miracle
Adam looks and sees a being that is separate from him. They both have autonomy. They both have their own thoughts. They have their own feelings. They both have their own gifts & abilities. YET, Adam does not see a single separation between them. He says your flesh is my flesh… one flesh. Your bone structure, my bone structure… we are one.
This is a miracle. Marriage is a miracle. God creates two pieces and yet, they are one.
It is oneness, yet not sameness… Men & women are different. Sometimes it is hard for us to even understand each other. And yet, in God’s miracle, even though we are different, we become one.
Jesus Christ prayed that we would be one. I believe He extends that desire for your marriage.
What is keeping you from that unity in your relationship?
The power of rivets is that they become one as they attach to a structure. The 2 rivets attach through a piece of steel. Then it is as if the 2 rivets and the steel are one. What is your marriage attaching to? We should attach as one to Jesus Christ.
We talked in this series about Jesus being the mediator between God & man. He is the one who reconciles man & God’s relationship, bringing us back together.
Jesus is also the mediator between all of mankind. Jesus can be the mediator between you and your spouse.
Jesus went to the Cross and took the full punishment, so that you & your spouse can be completely reconciled back to God and back to each other.
No matter what… you can be forgiven. No matter what… you can forgive. Jesus gave us this miracle.
We need a miracle today.
Roughly 50% of marriages end in divorce. That means there are far too many future divorces in this room right now. God give us a miracle in our marriages.
Today you may be sharing a bed, a house, and a checking account, but in an honest moment you would confess you are not united in marriage. Jesus can do a miracle today.
You may be hurt from a divorce. You may be unmarried and looking for your future. Invite God to do a miracle for you, today.